I had one of those incredibly frustrating multiply-a-trip-to-the-DMV-exponentially-induced-anger mornings. I knew it would be frustrating, and I was happy with how I handled the frustrating part. But there’s always the “after” of those moments.
And, as I was leaving, I realized that my usual express approach for decompressing off a situation like that before going to the office and putting my game face on {aka an iced skim chai and 10 minutes of quiet time in Starbucks} was not really available to me right now. Even if I substituted the milk with non-dairy milk, I still can’t have sugar or black tea. I considered just having herbal tea at one of the three Starbucks between where I was and my office, and getting my 10 minutes of calm post-chaos, but then I started thinking about how we build our rituals for calm.
The reason I have always counted on an iced skim chai plus Starbucks time is that, let’s face it, you can find a Starbucks just about anywhere in the cities I have lived in for the last 15 years. It’s familiar – the drink is the same, the surroundings are the same, the music is often the same. You can usually find a Starbucks in airports or on the road too. The reasons I rejected Starbucks for independent little cafes were exactly the reasons I sought it out when I had a finite amount of time to put myself back together, fast.
So instead of trying to adapt my usual calm-down-fast ritual to my current restricted diet, I decided to try a new one altogether, one that had nothing to do with the external {i.e. food, the Starbucks setting} – I took a quick walk and made a list of things I was grateful for that had helped me this morning and would help me tomorrow:
* Being organized
* Blessed with a good memory, so that when I couldn’t find one thing because being organized failed me {moving last fall in under 2 weeks will leave casualties when it comes to filing and organization}, I was able to unearth it fairly quickly
* Having good negotiating skills
* Supportive husband
* The routine work would bring me for the rest of the day
Then I started also thinking about other things that made me happy:
* Connecting with friends, real and virtual, tweeps and blog readers, soon after the unpleasant frustration – reading a few tweets and blog posts sure took my mind off of things
* Knowing I get to go to a 2 hour yoga class tomorrow taught by Kimberly Wilson tomorrow, complete with live music by PS24
* Finally organizing my nightstand so it’s part bookshelf, part inspiration, part function
I am really starting to believe in the power of gratitude lists. I feel much calmer. I will remember this approach, though a cup of herbal tea in familiar Starbucks is one to keep too.
What do you do when you are frustrated and need to calm down? Do you have a different tactic if time is limited?
General Disclosures & Disclaimers
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
love this post!
glad you found some calm (love both the starbucks & gratitude list suggestions) am filing those away for upcoming fall semester wackness
I've always tried to do your plan A: Starbucks or similar. But this year I changed job and I don't work in the city anymore but on a Campus, which is beautiful, but only have 1 cafe, usually crowded by students. The campus is beautiful, but it's always raining and cold (you can't win). I also share office this year, which I've found it very frustrating on regular basis. I will have to adopt your Plan B and write the 'gratitude list'. I think it will work.
What never fails to me is a good Yoga session, if that's possible. Thanks for the tips on overcome frustration!
I first started making gratitude lists about a year and a half ago and I was struck by how quickly I noticed their impact on me. It's definitely a good tool to keep in the anti-stress arsenal!
I feel absolutely the same way about Starbucks – it's an oasis, no matter what country I'm in at the time. But well done for breaking your previous habit for the sake of your health, and creating multiple comforting rituals for yourself.
Yoga definitely makes me calm. I love it!
Love your gratitude list. Also agree with the Starbucks thing. When I lived in the States and I was homesick I used to go to Starbucks and read…. it was warm and familiar and I could easily be back home. It is the same on my travels…. the only country where I have not stubbled across a Starbucks in Japan. It is definatly a familiar friend to me…
Mmmmm…I love this idea of having some regular, ritualized thing you do to deal with a negative emotion. Nice. I have to think about this some more.
AND you demonstrate that flexibility is not only necessary but can be delightful in and of itself.
It's interesting to see what we uncover when we take a step back and examine our habits/rituals. Kudos to you for taking the time to think about an alternate ritual and following through with it!
When I'm frustrated, I try to do some deep yogic breathing, or take a walk around the block.
So interesting, I find Starbucks stressful! Go figure.
Wonderful that you've found a differenct solution, one that not only eased your frustruation but also encouraged growth!
I love the idea to make a gratitude list. I am definitely going to try that. When I'm stressed I try to do one of two things – go outside and stand under a tree looking up, if possible, and if that option isn't on the table for whatever reason, I make some peppermint tea and find a quiet space, breathe a little deeper, and focus very intently on something that makes me extremely happy – usually, that means reliving my wedding day. After 5 minutes or so of that, I can usually tackle almost anything!
What a great post. Things that calm me down are drinking some water (sometimes I'm dehydrated without realizing it), having an espresso at my desk, reading/writing, or playing a quick game of bejeweled. Obviously, the reading/writing part doesn't lend itself to compressed time. Taking a shower or swimming helps, too. I think I am a water baby at heart.